Yet in the nitty gritty tiredness of life grasping hold of of big opportunities seems too hard some days. Still, there are smaller opportunities which I can take.

Such as reading that Bible story to the kids before bed.

Making a cup of tea for my lovely wife who is every bit as tired as I am.

The moments it takes to pray for my children before they go to sleep.

And then, finally, the opportunity to relax!
Stop

Related to this topic:

• Opportunities
• Who am I

Image: iStock

They say time is money, but that’s not true. Time is life.

God gives us time. And who has time for God
(Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts p64) 

My soul is like teflon to this message. I strive and scheme, filling my heart and mind with plans and ponderings about how to make things better. Yet the better I seek may in fact be the present I already have in Christ.

As I seek ways to be happier, more content, less at the mercy of serotonin and synapses, I have filled my ‘to-do’ list with ever more stuff that only has potential to be helpful. In pursuing my list of possible cures I’ve forsaken some of what has proven to be essential in the past. I try to go faster, to make more happen, only to crash and burn. Weakness forces me to stop, to simply be for a while.

God did not call me to cure my life but to live it. To live it in Him, giving thanks for grace.

Gifts I have noticed recently (#910 – #933):

910) The quiet joy of writing with pen on paper.
911) Church bells ringing.
912) A good, long night’s sleep.
913) It was an old pair of jeans I ripped when I slipped over and hurt my knee.
914) Permanent reminder to seek joy by thanking God.
915) Tradesmen to fix the hash I made of our bathroom.
916) New bath installed, finally!
917) Honest discussions about the darkness that haunts me.
918) An understanding boss.
919) Slowing down to think thankfully.
920) Tiredness beckoning me to sleep.
921) The doctor was right and my cynicism was wrong.
922) Chatting to Mum and Dad on the phone.
923) My brother getting the job he wanted.
924) The end of my work week.
925) A friend being told, “it isn’t cancer”
926) Children all tucked warm in their beds on a cold stormy night.
927) Warm water on my skin on a cold morning.
928) A new TV.
929) A rabbit hopping along George street!!
930) City lights sparkling like the frost on the footpath.
931) Pink sunrise reflected in frozen puddles.
932) Only slipping once on the ice.
933) Hockey stick, violin and a shoebox house careless on a bedroom floor – instruments of an active child’s living.

I was young, not any more.

I used to identify myself by the job I did, after over ten jobs that has worn thin.

I even had the audacity to identify myself as being intelligent… until I went to university!

Now I have many roles: husband, father, Poisons officer, son but my identity does not rest in any of these.

Who am I really?

Am I my thoughts, actions, emotions?

Am I what others think or see? Or what I present to the world?

In the end none of these are substantial. They will all crumble. Like earlier this evening when I was putting up gib in our bathroom and felt some identification with my father and brother who are both builders. Then I drilled through a new pipe placed by the plumber only last week and immediately identified myself as a complete idiot!

I want my identity to be in Christ, that I may know Him and be found in Him.

As Paul said, who had so much going for him by some standards yet threw all that away in order to gain Christ:

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.
(Philippians 3:7-11 ESV)

Related to this topic:

• Missing them

Image: iStock

… whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.
(Matthew 20:26-28 ESV)

Obviously none of us wants our children to actually be a slave to another person. So how is a child to understand what having a ‘servant heart’ is? Perhaps the easiest way is for them to see an example.

Many children need only look to their own mother for an example of a person with a servant heart. Certainly my wife is a much better example to our kids than I am!

However, all of us stumble is this very difficult character trait. The best example is Jesus – the very creator of the universe who came to serve rather than be served.

What do I pray?

I pray that my kids will love Jesus enough to want to be like Him, to truly be a child of His Father and so in being like Jesus to desire to serve others rather than to lord it over them.

Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.
(John 13:16 ESV)

Download the prayer prompts:

• 31 Biblical Virtues to pray for your children (printable infographics)
• 31 Days of Prayer; Children

Other posts related to this topic:

• Pray for your kids – Faith
• Pray for your kids – Responsibility
• Pray for your kids – Contentment

Image source: iStock

You start a conversation you can’t even finish it.
You’re talking a lot, but you’re not saying anything.
When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed.
Say something once, why say it again?
(Psycho Killer by Talking Heads)

This morning I prayed a prayer that God has already answered. This sounds a bit daft so let me explain, here is the prayer:

Produce in me self-despair that will
make Jesus precious to me,
delightful in all his offices,
pleasurable in all his ways,
and may I love his commands
as well as his promises
(The Valley of Vision, p333)

This is part of a longer prayer which I was reading when the words “produce in me self-despair” arrested me – I know self-despair well, why would anyone ask God for it?

The rest of the line explains: to make Jesus precious to me.

I have been praying the same in reverse – I have self-despair, please give me hope in Christ.

Reading what some Puritan wrote hundreds of years ago opened my eyes to meaning within my depression. I have given up hope in myself, in the most desperate times all that remains is a plea to God. Jesus says, ask and I will give you eternal life (see John 4:10 & 14).

While I hate depression and do what I can to avoid the despair, this prayer gives me a glimpse of what may be God’s perspective on it. Despairing of hope from within, I seek Christ to be all for me.

Gifts I have noticed recently (#903 – #909):

903) The love of my children.
904) Fear and uncertainty holding me back from stupid choices.
905) My family who loves and needs me as I am.
906) The desire to write, even if I don’t know what.
907) Happy memories to cling to.
908) Encouragement from friends.
909) A few days off.

Image: iStock

This week the scab on one of my own scars was ripped open again. Then someone told me of their own massive wounding, facing eternity and a crisis of faith. Another story came to my ears of deep anguish of soul and uncertainty of how to face the world again.

My own little scab shrunk back into it’s context. I still hurts, it will take time to heal over again – especially if I keep knocking the top off it like this.

For myself I (weakly) called out to God in my hurt, then asked a friend on the other side of the world for prayer via Twitter. When daylight came I rallied prayer from home also. God heard, and helped. I have likewise prayed for these people I know who are struggling through very dark places and others are praying for them too.

Some time after reading Ann’s post today, I read another discussing The Rise of Confessional Media and inappropriate sharing of personal stories through social media. This caused me to pause and consider whether it is wise for me to discuss the struggles of living the Christian life online? Why add to the noise? This had long been a worry of mine and probably should be – there is already a lot of rubbish out there, who wants more?!

But when it is 3am and asking for prayer takes less than 140 characters to type into Twitter, social media becomes God’s hand reaching across the oceans. The people at either end of the keyboards are just as real as my wife praying with me at home. If we remember this we can speak the truth in love and grow together in Christ (Ephesians 4:15).

Sharing our pains and struggles needn’t be voyeuristic or narcissistic. We must take care, some stuff is not for the world to read, but the real stories of hurting and healing, wounds and worship – these are our testimony to the work of Christ in us. This is something to share in humility.

Gifts I have noticed recently (#894 – #902):

894) Wonderful, glorious daylight.
895) Technology, even with it’s pitfalls.
896) Not knowing how little time I have left.
897) Patting my smelly old dog.
898) Waking up during the day when I should be asleep – at least I get to see some daylight.
899) Time to think.
900) Finding a refill for my favourite pen.
901) Eleven years of marriage and still deeply in love
902) Craig, the only other man I know of who counts blessings like this.

Image: iStock

Go:

Alone at work in the middle of the night.

I don’t enjoy this. I want to be at home with my wife and three children, together in the same house, sharing our lives.

This separation is the way it has to be during this particular season. There are some benefits but the cost of separation is high. For some, perhaps, not having the family routine we had become so accustomed to would be a trivial thing. I have a good job, an adequate income, this is a great blessing.

Yet the evening routine with it’s ‘jungle hour’ when the kids become hyped-up and unruly, the wrestling of baths and pyjamas and nappies while trying to catch snippets of today’s news and tomorrow’s weather from the telly. Wanting to collapse with a cup of tea, just my lovely wife and I, but needing to do the bedtime routine first. The dishes to wash, toys to pick up yet again, stories to read for the hundredth time (does he ever tire of Thomas?).

I miss these things, the mess of being a family together.

Stop

Other posts related to this topic:

• God doesn’t wrap His gifts
• I trust you because
• Dad is missing you

True.

But frankly life sucks at times, for Christians too. Even the Crystal Cathedral went bankrupt, the prosperity gospel ran out of cash. All of our lives have seasons where it seems there is little to give genuine thanks for.

When someone like me starts writing about giving thanks in all things while you slog through difficult times an understandable reaction is to want to tell me where to shove it.

For this reason I have been uncomfortable with the notion of listing all the blessings I can count in my life, because it could easily turn into a boasting in what I have, a thinly disguised love of the world. God does promise us many blessings, some of which are to be enjoyed in this world. However, the greatest blessings are those which are intangible and must be grasped by faith.

A particularly slippery blessing is God’s promise to always be with us:

… And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
(Matthew 28:20 ESV)

Jesus himself promised to be with us while ‘this age’ remains. In Hebrews we also have what appears to be a quote of Jesus:

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
(Hebrews 13:5 ESV)

In the gospels there are several incidents in which Jesus rebuked his disciples for their fear. The entire book of Job points to the great value of trusting in God despite overwhelming evidence causing doubt over God’s goodness. Fear is a killer of faith. But this also works in reverse – faith can kill off fear.

When you look realistically at life and cannot help the concerns over whether God really will provide running through your mind, it is not wrong to acknowledge the evidence before your eyes. With that acknowledgement, fear will arise. Faith considers that fear, accepts it as real and then adds faith into the equation.

I may look at our bank statement and see immediately there is not enough money to pay the bills. We have a fixed income so there is no room to squeeze more dollars from anywhere. Juggling bills helps a little but I still fear the prospect of simply running out and being unable to sustain my family. God makes no promise I am aware of that we will not end up in financial sewerage. However, He does promise that He will walk through the poo with me.

To some this will seem small comfort and too subjective to be of any value. I have been in much worse than financial shit and this promise of His Presence is what has kept me going. Often it was pure faith, believing that God is with me in my mess despite appearances. Occasionally I knew He was with me, strengthening my weak knees and lifting me up so I wouldn’t drown.

Intangible, yes.

Real? Definitely.

This is one of the great gifts from God which underlie my more immediate and superficial counting of blessings. The list continues to grow because I continue to need to remind myself of all I have to be thankful for and rejoice in. As a fallen creature this counting puts me in a better headspace to appreciate how awesome His greater gifts are.

Gifts I have noticed recently (#882 – #893):

882) Seeing a child’s faith blossom and grow.
883) 20 hours of uninterrupted time with my beloved wife.
884) Joy in our hearts from reconnecting and leisurely time together.
885) Some renovation plans.
886) Eastercamp.
887) Friends for dinner at our house.
888) Having dinner friends house.
889) People I know who inspire me (real people with real struggles).
890) Opportunities.
891) Someone helping me find paths in the wilderness.
892) Sunny autumn days.
893) Old holly hedge now providing firewood.

Image: iStock

Promise

You made a vow to me in the presence of God. I know you well enough to understand this makes a difference – that it was made before God.

We are both well aware that it was God who brought us together, and know His warning about ripping apart what He made one. So this is the unconditional fence guarding our marriage, but there is much more than obligation holding us together.

Vulnerability

I know I can trust you because you have already entrusted so much of yourself to me. You have made yourself exquisitely vulnerable to me, mere words from my mouth could crush you. Having opened your heart to me so deeply as to need me in order to function, I know you are not going to walk away or intentionally injure me.

This goes both ways. My weaknesses are blindingly obvious to you and with this knowledge you could have a powerful weapon. Yet for over a decade you have chosen to unload that gun and lock it away to prevent accidental discharge. Your proven record of trustworthiness.

In some situations vulnerability, even when mutual, can lead to fear. Fortunately we do not have a ‘cold war’ in our marriage.

Walking together

Friendship

We like each other. Our idea of a good time is to sit together with a cup of tea in our wonky cottage looking out over the harbour and just chat, passing the time of day with no particular point to the conversation aside from being together.

That you care about me is evident, your smile when I come home always lightens my burdens. There is no doubt in my mind that you like me and want to have me around, and I hope my enjoyment of being around you is also obvious.

Perhaps an indication of our friendship is our mutual desire in life to simply grow old together.

What’s this all about:

A blog I follow is running a series of posts called Marriage Letters in which they write a ‘letter’ to their spouse with the idea that by enriching their own marriages they also enrich the marriages of those around them. I’ve been enjoying the series and had good intentions of joining, this is my first attempt. The topic for this week is ‘I trust you because’. Amber hosts a link-up on her blog where you can check out letters from other bloggers.

Other posts related to this topic:

• He gave Himself up for her, will I?
• O how selfish you are!
• Companions for the journey